I Did Not Know That!

Posted on May 29, 2012 by Tereasa • 28 Comments

You are reading Reflections of a Survivor, in which I share my family’s escape and healing from spiritual abuse.
Other portions may be found here. May this story inform, inspire and motivate.

The morning breeze whispered by as pen brushed against paper. A certain delight fills my heart in the way ink slides across the paper in curls and crosses. The Greek words are especially striking.

This morning’s treasure hunt, uncovered gems in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

Love – AGAPE: charity, affection or benevolence

Patient –MAKROTHUMEO: long-suffering, patiently endure

Kind – CHRESTEUOMAI: to show oneself useful, act benevolently

A few brought pause for thought.

Envy- ZELOO: to have warmth of feeling for or against, covet (earnestly)

Arrogant – PHUSIOO: From PHUSIS in primary sense of blowing; to inflate, i.e. make proud

Excitement and joy grew as discovery spilled into the notes. As I continued to look up words and write the meanings, I came upon something that took hold of me in a whole new way.

“Rejoice at Wrongdoing…”

The NKJV says love, “does not rejoice in iniquity.”

The NASB says, “does not rejoice in unrighteousness.”

The ESV says, “does not rejoice at wrongdoing”

The Message says, “doesn’t keep score of the sins of others.”

The NIV says, “it keeps no record of wrongs.”

These words have been with me since childhood. I know I should not keep count of the wrong things people do. I know that when my children disobey or my husband hurts my feelings, I should not bring up the last time it happened. I know that I should not hold grudges and I would not say I struggle with this area of my life. I want to forgive, just as I have been forgiven. I love mercy and want to give mercy.

The written meaning of the above phrase opened my eyes to a tragic flaw. Take a close look.

The first key word is LOGIZOMAI. It means to take an inventory, count, number. (Yes… I knew that. No surprise.) Keep looking. It also means to esteem (regard), impute (assign or attribute), lay, reason, reckon, suppose… think on.

At this, the beautiful music in the background screeched to a halt.

The words came like a punch in the gut, taking my breath away.

Conviction from the Spirit spoke deep into my heart. “You do this, Tereasa. You remember the KAKOS (the second key word- evil, depraved, injurious, harm) that has been done to you. You think on them and reason that they will happen again. You reckon hurts as KAKOS and suppose that they are your lot. You build walls and drag your feet toward the adventures I have for you. You think on these things every time something new comes along. You think about these things when I ask you to do something.”

Mind if I take from Jesus’ words to Peter? (John 21:15-19)

“Do you love me more than these?”

He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.”

“Do you love me?”

He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.”

He said to him, “Tend my sheep.”

“Do you love me?”

And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”

“Feed my sheep.”

If I love you Lord, really love you, I will love your people. I will AGAPE all of them despite the KAKOS that has been done to me and by me. I will not think on the KAKOS when you call me to feed your sheep. I will not suppose that KAKOS will come. Neither will I fear hurting others. I will not assign attributes onto your sheep. I will only see them as your sheep, lost and in need of you… the Good Shepherd.

But how, oh Lord? How will I do this? How will I love you when my heart has been broken? How will I feed your sheep without fear?

“Follow me.”

With those words, Jesus invited Peter to walk with him.

Now, he invites me to walk with him, too. With Christ in me, I will walk in AGAPE love. He will give me everything I need to stop thinking on KAKOS and feed his sheep confidently.

I will follow him. . . Will you?

This post is linked to Just Write, On Your Heart Tuesdays, Allume, Women Living Well, Thought Provoking Thursday, and .Life in Bloom.

newlifesteward

#1: What do you use to look up your words? I’ve been using blueletterbible.com but I’m not thrilled with it’s functionality.

#2: I’m having to repeat, “do not compare, do not compare” over and over at your lovely notes. I just read over the definitions.

Thanks for sharing what the Lord showed you!

Mary Beth
- MTereasa
  
  My sweet friend, you are a gem. I am using eBible.com. I really like it. “Back in the day,” I used Thayer’s Greek Lexicon. Letting someone else do the hard work for you is much easier.
  - newlifesteward
    
    Thank you ma’am. I’m going to give it a go. And I’m going to buy myself a notebook. I might even write in it.
    - MTereasa
      
      My notebook has the following dividers in it: Maximize Your Morning Worksheets, Prayer Schedules & List, Focused 15, Bible Study Notes. Let me know what you put in yours!
      
      (I’m a notebook girl. I have four for different areas of my life. Actually, I had five, but one mysteriously disappeared. LOL.)
      - http://newlifesteward.com/ Mary Beth
        
        Oh that’s good info. One of my goals is to out together a homemaking notebook that would include my Bible study materials, menu planning, cleaning routine, and schedule. That’s next on the docket after I finish this series in prayer.
        Mary Beth
      - MTereasa
        
        More FYI. When I kept everything in one notebook, it would always break. Now I use notebooks that can stay where I use them. They’re one inch, I think. Email me if you want more info.
Sendy

I, too, struggle with thinking about the bad things in the past, dwelling on it. Thinking I had forgiven and moved on, I’ve realized that there are more changes needing to take place. Constantly working and striving toward a better me, I pray that we can encourage each other toward this wonderful growth. <3
http://heedinghisvoice.blogspot.com/ Michelle

I do this when someone comes into my life who reminds me too closely of those in the past. I cringe and recoil; not seeing them as new people, but rather through the KAKOS lens that I have allowed to color my view too much.

Thank you for listening, Tereasa. You are such a blessing!
Denise Oldham

Sweet blessings to you.
Jessica @ Muthering Heights

I do this too…
- MTereasa
  
  Well, listen friend. I had another thought this morning. The first word used to define the Greek word Kakos is worthless. All those evil things hold no value in our lives. Let’s follow Jesus together as we feed his sheep! There is the real value.
http://www.katharinesthoughts.com/ katharine

I love when new lights shine on familiar place, this is wonderful!
Blessings on your day!
- MTereasa
  
  Thank you. Blessings to you, too!
Karin Kerr

so wonderful to meet you last night and so glad to have found your blog.
- MTereasa
  
  I’m so glad, too! I look forward to knowing you better!
http://staceydaze.blogspot.com/ Stacey

1. I LOVE your notebook. Oh my goodness. LOVE
2. This is wonderful. I love this take on that verse. It ressonates.
- MTereasa
  
  Thank you and how funny. You are the second person to comment on my notebook. It’s just a piece of paper with definitions on it. LOL.
Kathy

Following….by God’s grace and enabling hand. You have uncovered a key to unlock a door toward freedom. Freedom to love. Some verses the Lord has pressed on my heart to help move forward from fear to love…..2 Tim 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Another is found in 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
May the word of the Lord continue to wash over you and bring complete healing.
- MTereasa
  
  I love following Him hand in hand with you!
Kim Hall

I am not familiar with eBible. Thanks for the heads up on that and your wonderful encouragement in this post!

For me, it’s about just continuing to get back up after I have fallen yet again, after I have been fearful, or behaved badly because someone else did. *Sigh*
Baby steps, baby steps, with God holding my hands all the way.
- MTereasa
  
  Last night, some of us were discussing how we seem to be in a circle of repenting. We concluded that, by the grace of God, it’s like climbing a mounting on a spiraling road. Yes, we have to continually repent, but each time we are closer to Jesus & who he wants us to be.
  
  So glad you stopped by today!
http://nmetzler.com/ Natasha

Love this. The enduring call of a loving Creator: will you follow?
http://www.thepurposefulwife.com/ Rachel

Easy to read and study, so much harder to do. Thankful to hear how the Lord is convicting and changing you, encouraged by your willingly yielded spirit!!! {visiting from Allume}
Crystal

This is such a rich lesson, but I’m stepping back to just gaze at your pretty, looping handwriting again. I found some notes from high school not long ago and your handwriting just brings me back … miss you and love you, my friend!
- MTereasa
  
  Stop that! You just made me cry! It’s funny, my mom made me go through some things last time I was in NM. I found some pretty hilarious notes. I can’t believe how “mature” we were (not). LOL!
http://www.redemptionsbeauty.com/ Shelly Miller

Yep, this is a hard one, especially when it comes to being a clergy spouse. The disappointments of people you hold in high esteem tend to shatter your view for the next one that comes along. My daughter said to me this week that she decided last week that she has completely lost faith in the church (meaning our local church) and that just broke my heart. Thanks for this, it gives some perspective.
- MTereasa
  
  I am sorry to hear that, Shelly. This is something many young people have to work through. I pray that she will come to see the church through the eyes of Christ and that you will grow in wisdom and mercy as she does.
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